Yesterday was the day that I got my results from my liver biopsy. Everything is FINE and I can breathe again until next month. At the end of this month I have to see my oncologist again and I will be holding my breath all through that appointment.
The physicians assistant came in to tell me about the results and I think she was still in training because she started to talk about numbers and didn’t immediately speak to me about the results of the biopsy. When she did finally speak to me about the results I was so relieved that I started to get emotional, I quickly recovered but to say that after getting the positive results my overall concern for my health was alleviated is an understatement, and not really telling the whole story.
Many people have things biopsied. They are never fun but they are a part of getting older. However to compare a regular biopsy with a recovered cancer patients biopsy is just cruel and unfair.
Until you get that phone call, the big “C”, there is no way to correctly articulate the fear and anxiety that goes through your mind when you get such a life changing diagnosis. And there is no way that friends and family can understand how just hearing those words can strike complete desperation, despair and a total numbing panic into your mind and body.
So hearing that everything is fine and they didn’t find a tumor or any cancer was a relief to put it mildly. Of course, I had all the preliminary tests to rule any and all cancer, tumors or liaisons out but with my breast cancer I had those same tests. The doctors findings for my breast cancer after all these tests was that I had two spots that were not fast growing and not aggressive, then the pathology report came back there was a small microscopic area that the MRI, Cat Scan and ultrasound, did not pick up. So when it came time for my liver biopsy, there was a part of my brian that feared the worst.
So now I can breathe a little, I have a little reprieve. I am not going to celebrate or have a party, because I have been dealing with these liver issue since the end of my chemo., however I do feel a little more comfortable making a few long-term plans.
Next month will be my one year chemoversity, I will have been off of chemo for a year. I am still shocked about the amount of time it took for me to get back to somewhat feeling “normal”. I am a long way from calling myself healthy, but I am slowly making progress. I do believe everyone’s time-table is different and it does depend on the length of your cancer journey.
A lot of women, when they finish their treatment for breast cancer have a party, this I totally understand, because after my treatment ended I had no idea about the grueling and brutal after effects that chemo and the post cancer drugs can have on your body. So I say if your going to celebrate, do it, because the road to recovery is not easy and there are so many twists and turns that it will make you dizzy. I do wish that other breast cancer survivors did tell me how difficult, trying, and so very frustrating that first year of recovery is and not to expect too much from your body because I wouldn’t have to learn this myself by trial and error and after almost a year of dealing with all the crap my body has been through not to be disappointed, but so blessed with where my body is today and I know that the second year might have just as many setbacks, hopefully not but you never know. But for now I can breathe
What people did tell me was that the type of chemo I was on was easier on your organs, well my liver that was not “bouncing” back would disagree with that statement. But I did not have too many complications and there are many brave women out there who are dealing with so much after their active treatment I consider myself lucky and I am so humbled by the true courage that these warriors show in the face of diversity.
So for now I will breathe, my family and I are planning a big trip in the summer and my physical breast cancer support group is going to rent a house, for a weekend, in Palm Springs in March so I am super excited for those two events. I just have to remember to keep breathing and I will be fine.
Love and Peace,